• Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

  • Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

  • Only in drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

  • Only in people order  double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke.

  • Only in banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

  • Only in we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

  • Only in we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

  • Only in we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

  • Only in we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well : "Poli" in Latin meaning 'many' and "tics" meaning 'bloodsucking creatures".

  • Only in they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.




  • Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?

  • Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed ?

  • Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery" ?

  • Why is "abbreviated" such a long word ?

  • Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice" ?

  • Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start" ?

  • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons ?

  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ?

  • Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour ?

  • Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food ?

  • When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it ?

  • Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes ?

  • Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections ?

  • You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff ?!

  • Why don't sheep shrink when it rains ?

  • Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together ?

  • If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress ?

  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal ?


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